The people you work with are often referred to as “family”. Your boss is actually (probably) a maniacal tyrant narcissistically seeking the benefit of nothing but personal gain and pride. The rest of them are actually much like family. Why? Like family, you don’t get to choose who they are. And like family, you are forced to spend lots of quality time with them, so you’re kind of forced to try to be nice and get along. This might seem like a terrible onus for you, being nice to all the “losers” you would usually giggle at if they ever tried to speak with you—but don’t forget that this also goes in your favor as well! No matter how weird you are, your coworkers pretty much have to put up with you as long as you are still productive and can’t easily be connected with sexual harassment (don’t worry about your reputation, like other families, your brothers and sisters at work probably secretly dislike you already anyway). So, here’s how you can turn this into fun!

• Take Down that Picture of Your At-Home Family: Instead have a picture of a bottle of booze on your desk (it can be cut from a magazine, but it’s preferable if the picture is an obviously unprofessional picture taken from your home). Whenever anybody asks you why you have that picture there, tell them that you keep it there to remind you what you have to look forward to when you get home tonight—it’s the only thing that really gets you through the day. Alternatively, this can also be accomplished with a picture of a video game system or one of some hookers.
• Secretly Monitor when the Attractive Members of the Opposite Sex Use the Copier: Use a spy camera if you have to—just try not to be too obvious. Save all of your copying work until the attractive coworkers begin to use the machine. Then bring your work and wait for them to finish. At this point they basically have to strike up a friendly conversation with you as long as you never say anything suggestive or ask them out; this is a great way to force beautiful people to be nice and talk to you. This is really fun if they have a huge project—just remember to say, “No, that’s okay. I’ll wait. I’m not doing much now anyway,” when they try to get you to come back later.
• Send Pictures of Baby Animals to Everyone in the Office: But your boss. Call them something like “daily hugs” in the subject line. If this is against company policy, put up these pictures in your office or cubicle. Surprise others by doing it to their workspace without their consent. If you want to go hard-core, send them pictures of Unicorns or Hobbits.
• Fun with Pens: If your office buys the same pen in bulk, save the ones that run out of ink. Borrow a coworker’s pen and then surreptitiously switch out the tubes of ink with the dry pen. If they make a comment about their broken pen, tell them that “it worked for me!”
• Invent Fake Lingo for the Newbies: When you start talking about work to a new hire, slip in made-up, official-sounding terminology. If they ask you what it means, give them a believable definition. Then watch in delight as they embarrass themselves in front of their coworkers. If you are confronted, tell them that the others might be out of touch, or been on staff for less time than you (practice your “innocent” face in front of a mirror). Examples: A “Duggar” is someone that gives “birth” to a lot of ideas, to ask for action too early in the sales pitch is “the ‘ol premature finish,” and a project of yours that was doomed from the start is your “crack baby.”
• Try to Make Hot Cocoa in the Coffee Pot: It might not be as hard-core as coffee, but it’s more homey and sure-as-heck more fun. Leave a bag of mini-marshmallows by the pot as this might make people a little less angry with you.
• Practice Weird but Innocent Hobbies in the Break Room: For instance, learn how to make balloon animals and make them during your lunch break. Give them to the cute coworkers as gifts. Practice chess by yourself, or for better effect bring a game of Mouse Trap. Knit caps for the staff. Bring a wicker matt and meditate. Anything weird and slightly annoying works, just make sure the hobby doesn’t make too much noise and isn’t offensive in anyway, so they will be hard-pressed to stop you (although some bosses will ruin any fun).
• Buy High Quality Stage Cigarettes and Join in the Smoke Breaks: Just because you don’t smoke doesn’t mean you should miss this opportunity to take a break from work and socialize. Try to buy fake cigarettes that are as realistic as possible, because this is a lot more fun if it takes your coworkers a while to figure out what you’re up to. If anyone tries to chide you about the health affects of smoking, take it very personally.
• Get Everyone’s Birthday: Don’t ask people for it; instead, try to get it surreptitiously. Surprise people awkwardly by giving them a wrapped present and a very enthusiastic “Happy Birthday!” This works best if they can’t remember your name. It can also be fun if you can also find out their age—this especially annoys women, from what I understand.

If you put some thought and work into it, you may soon be having more fun at work than with your real family!